Eight Things About Modern Cars That Drive Me Mad



Again, a brilliant system if you want to replace 90s Weekend on Dubai92 with the playlist on your iPhone. IF you can get the two paired. And it presents problems when doing multi-car tests for crankandpiston, because each car has to stay 47 lengths clear of the other to avoid disturbing the signal. Many’s the time a phone call from my colleague has leapt into the cabin halfway through. Much to everyone’s confusion.


Seatbelt beep/engine beep/door open beep

Don’t take off your seatbelt. Don’t open the door. Don’t open the boot. Don’t change lanes. Don’t get too close to the car in front. Don’t leave your gear changes any later than 5000rpm.

Don’t do anything unless you enjoy the sound of the warning beep sounding again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again…


Incomprehensible Sat-Nav

I’ll refrain from mentioning this particular manufacturer by name, but here’s a slice of dialogue from a 140km journey I once made from Al Ain to Dubai.

“You have selected Du-Bai Ma-rin-a Mall. Your destination is nine..THOUsand…and…FIFTY kilom-etres. Time to destination is two…days…and…three hours.”

There’s nothing like a drive from Al Ain to Dubai via Cairo, apparently.


Voice activated controls

“Right, radio on”

“Did you say, ‘open boot’?”

“No, radio on”

“Did you say, ‘call mom’?”

“NO! I said, radio on!”

“Did you say, ‘erase iPod?’”


And people wonder why I’m such an irritable bastard first thing in the morning.

Categories: Lifestyle


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